Madonna's Truth or Dare

MUH DAH FUGGIN NUH DICKSKINS.  Sure sure we caw about how she's "lost it" or yam on and on about her weird filler face that makes her look not horizontally younger but latterally wierder looking, but you got a give it to the mare.  She will go into that fuggin grave when she's good n' well ready to and by god she'll dig it herself too.  She'll throw that shovel down and squat thrust her thick Italian thighs until her last breath out of grillz'd gapped tooth mouth.  So just cool it, she just wants you to feel good and have fun and all you can do is project your insecurities like she's some kind of Rorschach ink blotter blow up doll.  I mean you plural 3rd person; present company excluded... assholes.

[Michael Musto recently pointed out how shes starting to look like mae west]

 

 

 

'Fumey Readers, what is most surprising about this celebufragrance is that she didn't get on this from the get-go.  Debbie Gibson was forward enough to get her name on the apricot-musk bomb Electric Youth in the 80s.  Then J-Lo had a veritable diarrhea force push of her perfumes and flankers which really opened the shart floodgates for poopstars to get into the groove.  PS have you ever realized the entendre in Get Into The Groove?  How can I put this delicately, all her songs with the exception of Dear Jessie are about HER VAGINA.  Music, her vagina makes the people come togethor.  MDNA, your love fits like a glove in her vagina.  Zephyr in my vagina goes quickly for the call of vagina. Give It To Me, her vagina's got no bounderies and no limits.  C'mon VAG, let your body move to vagina.  Vagina-line, feels like im going to lose my vagina.  Etc.  I don't want to beat a dead vagina, after all,  a rolling vagina gathers no cock.

The curiousness of her lateness to the game is compounded by the old fashioned-ness of ToD.  Its a take on a classic 1948 fragrance called Fracas which I smelled once at Neiman Marcus; and from what I remember ToD resembles pretty closely.  Its a loud, diffusive buttery floral note of inky tuberose anchored by vanilla marshmallows.  This would be amazing on a boy with neck tattoos and a mowawk at a knitting circle but besides that I use it for, wait for it, linen spray.  When I'm makin' the bed and gettin' fancy I'll spray 'er down and its quite lovely.  On a woman it seems a little on the nose, but maybe if you had your hair up librarian style, pearls, and a baby blue cardigan with rock-hard nipples poking out it could work.  So its cheap and good (for a couch or bed) but I'm left with why this now and why call it Truth or Dare in the middle of releasing an album called MDMA?  Why hasn't she been puting her name on fragrances longer? The closest Madonna got before Truth or Dare was the patchouli scented liner notes of Like a Prayer.  This couldve been fun for Dick Tracy-20's flapper(no I'm not referring to her vagina) era Madonna with her furs and dresses, cone bras, and Warren and whatnot but doesnt seem to fit name or otherwise with her attempt to make the forward thinking dance album MDMA when ToD was released to perfume counters.
Imagine all the possibilities that slipped through those vascular hands of hers: a modern incense for Ray of Light, a disco Angel bomb for Confessions, a take on leather from her Erotica era.  I don't know, there's professionals that are supposed to be good at this but I just now crapped out three great ideas.

This stuff must've really bombed because as of writing this you can find nuclear-war stockpiles of the stuff at TJMaxx and Marshalls and the go for about 10 dollars a large bottle.