Bulgari Black

I think I have synthestasia because n my head when I see "Bulgari" I hear Robin Leach say it as in *Robin Leach voice* "we're here on Sophia Vegaro's YACHT in St Tropeeeez and it's stocked with the finest caviaaahr, ch'mpagne, and Bulllllgaaaaahri tampOOONS".  For you kiddos, Robin Leach reported on famous rich celebrities but got caught in London's Regent Park having a some hastily delivered British Anal, upper lip: stiff, and high as Bert's kite on Meth.  He never fully recovered from that dark period.  Elton John penned the hit song, Anal in the Wind and crowds lined Pickleburry Blvd near Primpram Bramble for a midnight dildo vigil.  It was a devastating time for The Brits, is how I'm choosing to remember my story I just now made up about him.
Bulgari Black is vanilla and leather with the texture of a the smoke from a snuffed out candle.  The nose behind this, Anick Menardo, created a metric shit-ton of brilliant fragrances like Le Lebo Patchouli 24 (go sniff this at Barney's, it's not at all patchouli'y, super expensive, and I'm obsessed... Also check out Rose 31), hypnotic Poison (almond coffee cake as hand fed to you by Malecifent), and Lolita Lampicka (licorice Angel, a Parfum du Maxx find -- ge it) and they all have a fuzzy comfortable texture of thick smoke.  The polite scent trail wafts out like the smell of a pie in a Looney Tunes short.  It opens with a great big rubber tire note that I think comes from the interplay of acrid tar and sweet vanilla.  It defies logic that all these notes come together to create something so odd, mysterious, but so darn good smelling.  Great on a guy, but women go get this one now.  I'm giving you homework right now.  Go get it.  It's cheap (nordstrom rack has it for around 30 for 1 oz., and I got the larger size on ebay for 30 dollars with free shipping).  It would be a great office fragrance, it wears close to the skin and means business.  Speaking of office, quit with the shrill assaulting baby-talk-with-vocal-fry florals and wear stuff like this.  It's all, thwack thwack with a riding crop on your boss's tush and he'll like it.  Need more toner! thwack thwack.  Reply-all and clog everyone's email inbox to make sure everyone knows some lackey dropped the ball with those financials, thwack!  Who wants Jimmy Johns I'm buying THWACK. Where the HELL is my freaky fast delivery?! THWACK THWACK. Where's my extra peppers for my Vito unwich? THWACK!  I'm not saying salary disparages don't happen between the sexes, but Versace Bright Crystal is not helping the situation.  Bulgari Black says you are not a fresh cut flower ready to wilt, you are a friggin tractor tire in a La Perla tonga thong ready to fuck some shit up.  THWWAAAAAACK!

 

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