Saturday, April 5, 2014

Fleur Du Male by John Paul Gaultier

If you've ever seen Disney's Frozen and are a gay man or gay-sensible, you probably noticed in the middle of a middling rehash of a story there's a knockout number where Elsa voiced by the bony faced Idena Menzel (who I pray will not go Maria Shriver'y with those boney features) is finally "out" as a sourcerer to the towns folk and celebrates with a barn burner of a song called Let It Go where bitch lets her blonde weave down, slams the ground with a high heel to make a beautiful jewel toned floor, and does a costume change complete with sissied-up runway strut.  It's camp elevated to the highest consumable art and,  just like seeing Donna Summers Doing the robot to I Feel Love that I saw at the tender age of four, will turn hoards of children into a sophisticated army of manicured people with expendable income.
[milk milk lemonade, 'round that corner...]
 
 
Fast forward 15 years where this tribe of fit and nelly Children of the Cornhole will be adults. Fleur Du Male is a straight faced floral for men of a certain tribe that can pull this off without a wink.  Its for those men manly enough to smell like orange blossoms and be all, what, I smell like flowers brah, jealous?   More specifically, it smells like white flowers, honey, and an odd but not unpleasant plasticky top note that suggests a well manicured hand with no calluses that somehow achieved a six pack and cum-gutters.  I like to pair this with the manly event of grilling.  The charred meat and smoke with the feminine lilt of FDM that throws and projects, cutting through the smoke like a shiv-armed tranny on a duster bender.  It makes me want a hotdog real bad. 

Spray it on.  Fire up the grill.  And I smell like flowers... Jealous brah?
 
I found exactly one can of this stuff at Marshall's and probably yipped when I saw it.  Its discontinued but you can probably order online for a reasonable price.


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